Reclaiming the Big ‘O’

Don’t be Shy—It’s Time to Talk About Female Orgasms.

Written by Cheyann Neades | Published in Drake Mag Fall 2018

Before you turn the lights down, we need to shine one on the female orgasm. It’s that dark, uncharted territory no one talks about. That missing chapter from your sex-ed textbook. That deleted scene from sexy romance movies. And that’s a problem. “Women aren’t even told about their orgasms… Lots [of women] don’t even know they have a clitoris because they’re not told or shown early on,” Dr. Marilyn Volker, sexologist of the International Institute of Clinical Sexology said.

It’s time to pull back the sheets and set the story straight. Get off preconceived notions about the female orgasm and move on to a better sex life.

Myth 1: If you don’t orgasm every time, you’re not doing it right.

            The number of times an orgasm occurs during masturbation or sex depends on the practices and what works best to achieve a climax. “You can have caprice orgasms, wild, and strong orgasms. Women can experience different kinds multiple times if they know and communicate about their bodies,” Volker says. Whether there’s multiple or none, overall pleasure is the priority.

Myth 2: You gotta fake it to make it.

            In 2017, studies published by the Archives of Sexual Behavior revealed that 76 percent of those who identified as a woman have faked an orgasm at least once. Whether you’re trying to satisfy your partner or have given up on the idea of climaxing all together, there’s no need to test your acting skills. Instead, find practices that make you feel good, so you can just relax and enjoy the ride.

Photo courtesy of Dex Ezekiel via Unsplash.

Myth 3: Vaginal sex is the best way.

The clitoris says hello. According to The Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy, the number of American women requiring clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm neared 37 percent compared to the 18 percent who said that vaginal penetration did the job. While it usually goes under the radar, clitoral stimulation can be key to reaching the female climax.

Myth 4: Orgasms are purely physical.

            Mentality is everything. If you’re worried, concerned or distracted, it won’t come easily (pun intended). “If there’s that feeling of nearly climaxing and something interrupts, that orgasm can instantly fade,” Volker said. Finishing is about relaxation and contentment, which are not usually done through actions of your physical body. Pleasure is a collaboration of your mind, body, and soul.

Myth 5: More masturbation=less orgasms with a sexual partner.

            Taking the time to self-explore what feels good for you is completely normal. The better you know your body, the better you’ll know how to please it. When having sex with a partner, communicate what works and what doesn’t—it’ll be better for everyone involved.

Original article on 56-57:

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